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Love is Not Enough. One of them did not. One of these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of them did not. One of these men was probably a narcissistic asshole. One of them was not. In our culture, many of us idealize love. We see it as some lofty cure-all for all of life’s problems. With Valentine's Day approaching, love comes to mind. There are many kinds of love, the love we feel for our children, our partners/spouse/lover, our more. The new love science may be just a string in the increasingly huge and windy maze that is contemporary love, no more absolute than all the other ways of thinking about love we’ve invented over 50, years—but we need that requiread-w.ga: Eve Fairbanks.


Love is Not Enough | Mark Manson


One of these two men had a clear and realistic understanding of love. One of them did not. One of these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of these men was probably a narcissistic asshole. One of them was not. In our culture, many of us idealize love.

And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, our relationships pay a price. After all, if love solves everything, then why bother with all the other stuff — all of articles of love hard stuff? We understand that there are things more important in our lives and our relationships than simply being in love. And the success of our relationships hinges on these deeper and more important values. The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us.

These unrealistic expectations then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. Allow me to illustrate:.

Love does not equal compatibility. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process, articles of love. Forget that he was a born-again Christian alcoholic and she was an acid-dropping bisexual necrophiliac.

It just felt right. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like cherry articles of love. Love does not solve your relationship problems. My first girlfriend and I were madly in love with each other. We also lived in different cities, had no money to see each other, had families who hated each other, and went through weekly bouts of meaningless drama and fighting. Our love made us feel like we were overcoming our issues, when on a practical level, absolutely nothing had changed.

As you can imagine, none of our problems got resolved. The fights repeated themselves. The arguments got worse. Our inability to ever see each other hung around our necks like an albatross. Hours and hours talking on the phone with nothing actually said. Looking back, articles of love, there was no hope that it was going to last. Yet we kept it up for three fucking years! Articles of love, that relationship burst into flames and crashed like the Hindenburg into an oil patch.

The break up was ugly. This is how a toxic relationship works. Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself. One of the defining characteristics of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to help care for another person and their needs as well.

I would argue that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship articles of love great, articles of love.

A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. I know a young woman who just got married. She was madly in love with her husband. But once the emotional high of the wedding wore off, articles of love, reality set in. And she got into this situation because she ignored all three articles of love the harsh articles of love above.

She idealized love. Despite being slapped in the face by all of the red flags he raised while dating him, she believed that their love signaled relationship compatibility. When her friends and family raised concerns leading up to the wedding, she believed that their love would solve their problems eventually. And now that everything had fallen into a steaming shit heap, articles of love, she approached her friends for advice on how she could sacrifice herself even more to make it work.

Why do we tolerate behavior in our romantic relationships that we would never ever, ever tolerate in our friendships? Imagine if your best friend moved in with you, trashed your place, refused to get a job or pay rent, demanded you cook dinner for them, and got angry and yelled at you any time you complained. This woman was like the NSA. His self-worth dropped to nothing. So he quit trusting himself to do anything.

Remember this: The only way you can fully enjoy the love in your life is to choose to make something else more important in your life than love. You can fall in love with a wide variety of people throughout the course of your life. You can fall in love with people who are good for you and people who are bad for you. You can fall in love in healthy ways and unhealthy ways. Love is not unique. Love is not special. Love is not scarce. But your self-respect is.

So is your dignity. So is your ability to trust. There can potentially be many loves throughout your life, but once you lose your self-respect, your dignity or your ability to trust, articles of love, they are very hard to articles of love back. Love is a wonderful experience. And it is something everyone should aspire to feel and enjoy. But like any other experience, it can be healthy or unhealthy. Like any other experience, it cannot be allowed to define us, our identities or our life purpose.

We cannot let it consume us. We cannot sacrifice our identities and self-worth to it. Because you need more in life than love, articles of love. Love is great. Love is necessary. Love is beautiful. But love is not enough.

Articles of love can be complicated and difficult. But few people know that there are some pretty clear signals to know if a relationship is going to work or not. Put your email in the form to receive my page ebook on healthy relationships.

You can opt out at any time. See my privacy policy, articles of love. Love is Not Enough. Three Harsh Truths About Love The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us articles of love develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us. Allow me to illustrate: 1. After all, love conquers all, right? Yet he stays with her! Join my newsletter and get a free ebook "3 Ideas to Change Your Life".

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3 Articles About Love You Absolutely Need To Read Right Now | Thought Catalog

 

articles of love

 

With Valentine's Day approaching, love comes to mind. There are many kinds of love, the love we feel for our children, our partners/spouse/lover, our more. Mar 23,  · For many people, the concept of self-love might conjure images of tree-hugging hippies or cheesy self-help books. But, as many psychology studies attest, self-love and -compassion are key for. Dec 01,  · Love is the best antidepressant—but many of our ideas about it are wrong. The less love you have, the more depressed you are likely to feel. When the differences are known you must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both. Focus on the other person.